Jehova’s Last Visit

Let me tell you something, people…

I would like to know if everyone in the corporate world is experiencing this, but here, we are cutting back on costs of everything. When I first started working here, we used to have breakfast served to us during morning meetings. Then, in 2001, they cut that down to just juice, coffee, and bagels. Then in 2002, we got nothing at all. “But Alex,” you say — “it’s only breakfast; at least you still have your job.” Okay, fine — that’s just breakfast, but where does it end?

Our old CEO just received his golden parachute valued around $30M. I say we cut back THERE! Instead of giving these crazy amounts of money to ONE person, we divide it all and buy me breakfast at my morning meetings! 😀 That’s just my idea… Nobody else’s. Oh yeah, along the same lines, I suggest giving ME a golden parachute. I like that idea because I’m ready for retirement.

Speaking of retirement, these gas prices are costing me a fortune. The A6 (apparently) works just fine on REGULAR octane gasoline, despite the high octane recommendation by the Audi dealership. If it’s running just the same on regular gas, why in the world would I spend an extra $5 for high octane gas? I just don’t understand… The A6, by the way, is NOT a performance automobile. It’s a luxury (read: “old-people”) sedan. No old person ever drove that thing past 65 mph. There is NO need to put high octane gas in this car. So now, I’m going to save a total of $15 per month. WOOO!!! Early retirement is just THAT much closer. Freakin’ CRAP!

And another thing… A Jahova’s witness guy “dropped by” my house the other day. Not knowing that he was CRAZY, I let him in the house — to chat about this and that. We discussed lots of interesting topics such as:

* Why it is so important to read (and live by) the bible.

* Why atheists — such as myself — are going to hell.

* Why atheists — such as myself — are slowly destroying the world.

* How I have nothing to “look forward to” after death.

* And other incredibly-interesting topics.

In response, I politely told him that I didn’t come to his house to discredit his beliefs, so he shouldn’t come to mine to discredit mine, and asked him to go away. He did not. I suggested that he read “Homer’s Iliad” because he might find striking similarities between the stories he believes in and the stories he will read in that book, and he said that “it’s on the list of books he is prevented from reading by his faith.” I find that to be really interesting — a faith that *prevents* you from reading materials that might contain controversial material. Anyway, he left when I told him I had to get back to watching Simpsons.

Lessons learned: Simply referencing “The Simpsons” can get you out of sticky situations. Oh, and the A6 doesn’t need high octane gas. And most importantly, I want a golden parachute so I can finally retire… Or bagels for breakfast.